User manual

Tips and tricks for working with me.

Pronouns: he/him

Last edited: 2024-10-23

My Values

From the TANK values tool.

The times/hours I like to work

I am usually around my keyboard and working between 0900 and 1730. I generally do not work on weekends. When there are chores or other (usually family related) commitments to fulfil I’ll work them into the day and adjust accordingly.

How I prefer to communicate

When working remotely, I prefer asynchronous communication via Slack, Signal or iMessage. I like writing things up because it helps me think, and I believe that the resulting artefact helps anchor and ground a conversation. I find that this approach is also efficient and respectful of peoples’ time and energy. I quite like being on the receiving end of such communication too. Having something to read before getting on a call with someone generally results in a rich conversation that has a higher chance of generating clear outcomes and next steps.

If I need to put something on the record and make it formal, I’ll use email.

I prefer video calls for communication that needs to be nuanced. I much prefer direct, polite and kind communication that is rich in the signals of tone and expression. While I am on a call I prefer not to be distracted by note taking. This is not to say that I don’t take notes (I certainly do) — it’s more about making this unobtrusive so that it does not take from the cadence and flow of the conversation.

Things I find motivating

Here are some things that create the envionment that I thrive in: - safety and security - autonomy - respect, kindness and the benefit of the doubt - humour and fun

I am an introvert and I get my energy from being in a flow state. Finding a flow state is more likely when I am in an environment that is quiet and calm. I need time and space to work through things according to the processes and systems that I have developed. I also benefit from having time and space to imagine and be creative.

Things I struggle with

Loud spaces and conversations in large groups. I am happy to pair while programming but generally for short periods of time and I generally struggle with situations where there is an always-on approach to pairing or collaboration. I find it difficult and draining to have to interject and participate in conversations involving several people.

I also struggle with being told what to do. I much prefer curiosity and kindness to being directed to “do it this way.” I really struggle with decisions being made for me.

I particularly struggle with conversations that bring us to and hold us on the Drama Triangle. This includes gossip, generally speaking about someone that is not in the room, and bad-beat stories (see Annie Duke’s Thinking in Bets).

While I am generally a calming influence, I can also get quite intense when I have dived to proper problem-solving depth. I am aware that this intensity is sometimes quite off-putting and over-stimulating and I am working hard at negotiating these situations. If you are working with me and you notice this pattern, please feel free to say, (words to the effect of) “hey, this is getting intense.” I appreciate any and all help in resetting the myopia that can occur when I am fully engaged in my daily battles.

Things I love

How I respond to stress

When I am stressed and the cause of the stress is interpersonal, I generally end up on the drama triangle … usually in the role of the Victim. This means that I will generally seek reassurance, sometimes not in a healthy way. For example, I might preemptively (yet subconsciously) make a misstep and apologise for it so that I can be reassured that I am okay.

Stress and over-stimulation go hand in hand for me and the clumsiness of my communication goes up when I feel anxious or over-stimulated.

Things I (want to) take for granted

I do best in communities and teams where the following are true: - Values are never weaponised. They are never used to exclude or ostracise. - Diversity and inclusion are basic principles. They are not talked about as much as just practised. - Disingenuity is not ok. Equality and self-awareness are things people continually work on. Making space for people to find their voice is important. Listening is important. Asking questions is more important than telling things to people. - Blame is avoided. An effort is made to avoid globalisation of personal attributes. For example, deciding that someone is now not-ok and requires fixing before they can operate as an equal. - Folks take responsibility, keep at it until things are done (even when it gets boring), work through their mistakes, and the community whole heartedly supports them in this. In particular, mistakes are seen as an opportunity to learn and grow.